A change in the routine

March 7, 2009

My little king is cashed out in my spot on the bed, his new daddy curled around him.

Our first night was good. We are in the process of feeling out Solomon’s needs and his schedule. I'm so curious what his feeding routine was in the orphanage; the children are not undernourished, but there are so many. I am only more amazed at the herculean efforts of the women there who care for all those children day and night. Surely they HAVE to feed the babies often, but I wonder how often when they get to be 3 months of age. The women are so outnumbered. In Solomon's room there were 7 babies under 6 months (one 20 days), and the rest of the room of 40 "infants" are under the age of 2. There are 4 of 5 women who work in that room. Some of the older children occasionally come in to feed or play with the kids, but SERIOUSLY! Yesterday Patrick and I were juggling bottles, mixing formula, and we were two on one! I have a new respect for the women who have nurtured Solomon for his last 3 months of life.

I have to admit, I already felt like a failure as a mom last night. I woke up to hear Patrick coming back into the room with Solomon in his arms and a bottle in his hands. "Did he wake up?" I asked. "Yah, he was crying." Oh. Neat. I SOOOOOOO didn't hear him.

Apparently I've been off a call schedule long enough that my eagle night-ears have dulled. Or maybe its my adaptation to sleeping in Haiti with a million different sounds going on in the evening and early morning. But I felt like such a failure. :( Mommy didn't hear her baby crying. I used to hear Duke-dog scratch at the door at 2am when he had diarrhea. I would wake up with a start.

So I'll work on focusing my thoughts on hearing him, being alert to his sounds as I fall asleep. I remember training myself to do that with the pager. If anyone slept through a page, there was hell to pay, and shame to carry. But no comparison to a baby's cries going unanswered.

No maternity leave for us. We didn’t even have time to consider it. Life will proceed on with a baby in tow. And like everything in Haiti, we’ll adjust to what we have. We have another group arriving today... a group of teenagers. They are quite unaware that we have a baby, so should be an interesting surprise.

I'm so happy. And yet I still have this nagging fear that soon someone will come and pull the rug out from us. "just kidding." I don't know why. It just all seemed too easy, given life in Haiti. I mean Wednesday my entire work and post-work errand day ended up in accomplishing NOTHING because it was just one of those days. And I spent HOURS trying to accomplish A LOT. After those kinds of days, I come home mad and grumpy. Amazing how despite how our hearts hung in a balance wondering if he'd really come home with us, Solomon was all the pick me up we needed last night. :)

And today I sit, looking out the window, waiting for my brand new family to wake up so that we can have our first breakfast together and forge ahead into this bright new day. Happy me.